guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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