Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
