Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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