In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize