1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
