first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
