i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
