Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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