I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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