My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
