i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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