The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
