Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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