You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
