How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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