I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
