dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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