Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
