It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
