I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
