i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
