Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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