They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
