i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
