Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As shirtless as possible
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
