well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
