we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
