I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
