I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
