So drunk its hurt
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
