There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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