Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
