My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
