I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
