normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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