She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
