my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
