no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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