what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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