look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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