i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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