i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
