My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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