If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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