but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
