when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
