You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize