Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
jump out the window naked night went bad
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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