Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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