I heard we made out
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
