Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My first STD was from a foam party
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
