You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
