Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
