just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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