She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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