woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
