i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
