I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
