I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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