I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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