im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
