there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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