OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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