Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
