I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
