Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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