Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
