Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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